For the third month in a row Bernie Sanders has led all polls taken among supporters of Bernie Sanders.
“This is some serious shit,” said longtime supporter Rance Previous. “There is no way that after Hillary sees these results she won’t just give up and go back to being a secretary for HP or wherever she came from!”
Among people 18 to 29, Sanders polled at a phenomenal 100% favorable rating among Sanders supporters. The only group that fell below a 95% rating was the 60 and above age group, mostly because the respondents apparently couldn’t remember the question.
A number of people have questioned if Sanders can keep up these numbers if Joe Biden enters the race later this week, but Ezra Whine has pointed out that there is no reason to think that Biden supporters will pretend to be Sanders supporters just to skew the numbers.
Both CNN and The Washington Post have ignored this poll altogether, prompting some to advocate wearing underwear that are printed with the slogan “Cee Neener Neener” and using the Post exclusively for wrapping dead fish.
“Doesn’t CNN know how many celebrities support Bernie?” asked Lyssa Capistrano. “Like, even that atheist guy on HBO does now.”
When reached for comment, Slate Gold, king of the pollsters, refused to respond to this interviewer’s questions about this poll directly, saying only, “Presidential polls at this point are meaningless – even mine. If you want to help Bernie Sanders, go talk to some black voters.”